on fear

sometimes i get busy and don't do all the things that i would like to do. right now we are tearing down the kitchen walls so that i might me able to see your beautiful smiling faces all of the time. i've been trying to get halloween things done. working my normal hours. heck, just getting you girls off to school on some days or getting you to bed at night takes an act of God. and apparently i have been making excuses too. but one thing that i have not done is take care to protect you girls from the things that go boo.

for this i am so sorry and am now taking my stand. today i got a call from the school nurse. "Vivienne has a slight fever" she says. really? so i pick V up. i go through the usual affirming with her that she can never express anything that God did not make. i remind her that she only needs to recognize Love and think of Love. V, you start to get frustrated and i stop. i am lecturing and that is not helpful. but you are such a precious idea of joy and love that i have a hard time not yelling it out to everyone. i can't believe that you would think differently yourself. "but i am sick," you say. i press you a little and ask what in the world would make you believe such a thing. because, this i know, you are not sick. you finally tell me that you didn't get the shot on Mon. so you are sick. you say this with a sense of inevitability. and this makes me angry. the kids were all getting a flu shot at school. everyone is in a panic because they don't want to be sick, so they get this silly shot that is supposed to keep that from happening. i am angry that someone would put it in your little head that you will now be sick because you have no shot. i am frustrated that i didn't see that coming. that is fear talking. you can no more be sick than they can. and it would be fear saying that it is even possible to be sick in the first place. so some people get a shot and that maybe helps take the fear away. they can be safe. i can tell you this much that the shot will do no good in protecting them if the fear is still there. and V you don't need to be afraid. you can go no where and do nothing without the purifying sense of Love. this is your "safe" and it works. there is not a moment when you do not express Love and therefore not a time when you are outside of His care. Love is at school long before you wake in the morning. and Love rides the bus with you. and Love is holding each and every one of your schoolmates and friends in a big hug so secure that not a single hair on their heads can be touched, just like you. Love is real. it is the shot that is fake. and the outcome will always be the same. you are God's child, Love's child and can express nothing but what you know to be a part of Love. and this spiritual path is potent and safe.

busy, busy

it has been a busy month and i can't believe we are finished with September. School has taken much more thought and planning than i thought it would but i think we are getting the hang of it. in the process we didn't really make much of a fuss over Phoebe turning 2. i hope this won't be the case every year, Phoebe. we did have the kids from playgroup over for a little party and then later in the month i took the time to actually make a cake for you. pretty sure you enjoyed it. you are still trying to get the hang of what the potty is all about. i know you'll figure it out like you always do. when you put your mind to it, it happens. you certainly do a great job keeping up with your sisters.

hi-ho, hi-ho, off to school we go!

Beatrice so wants to join V on the school bus. it is her morning mission to stand out front and wave as V passes by on her way to school. it makes me only slightly sad that B will have to wait not one but two years to join Viv. Beatrice gets over things pretty quickly. she does pretty much everything pretty quickly. i watched her figure out how to pedal the bike right after V did and i watched her figure out how to pump on the swing with V's help, watching her. she watches and she does. that's Beatrice.

i have yet to mention about B's first day at school. she is going two days a week at the YMCA. she has two teachers, Laura and Josh. she will get to go to the gym and she will learn to swim this year. and she will. she watches and she does. i told her she had to talk with a teacher if she was upset or had a question when i was taking her the first morning. she told me that she would have to talk to Laura because she is "shy with Josh." ??? she is having a blast. she cried the next day when she couldn't go to school. although, we are told that she likes to decide whether she will do something or not. she doesn't make a big deal of it. she just politely declines to do something. we are working on following directions. and that directions are not optional, but necessary. i was told she is doing better. and she said goodbye to Josh when she left last week. it was the first that he had heard her say his name. i think it made his day. she watches and she does. a perfect fit for school. she has a new friend named Vivienne. yes, she has a classmate of that name. you don't hear that name much, unless you live here. oh and apparently she doesn't like boys. something she learned her first day of school.

yesterday, i set the girls up with a netflix movie to watch with Grandma while i ran errands. when i came back later B was still watching the same movie and i asked her about it. she simply stated that Grandma set it up for her. (Grandma, yeh, right...) when i asked Grandma, she said that B put it on to watch. Beatrice showed me later how to click a movie and even how to make the movie full screen. i asked her how she knew that and she said very matter of fact, "i watch you, mama" i am in sooo much trouble... what if i teach her the wrong thing? she will be online shopping and facebooking before she hits first grade. i am in soooo much trouble. okay, B, i've got my eye on you!

oh and Viv loves school too. she has a "best" friend named Makayla (she likes to be called Kaki?) and she wants to do things that she does. she wants cheese and crackers because that is what Kaki has for a snack. she wants to have a cafeteria lunch because Kaki does. i'm sure Kaki is very sweet but i want Vivienne. i told her that she needs to do what Vivienne does.

she had a bagel and cream cheese for her snack and she is taking her lunch. thank you.

Vivienne also has a bus buddy who is in 5th grade. her bus buddy makes sure that she gets on the right bus to go home at the end of the day. Viv got a note the other day that said, "Toni, phone #, please have Vivienne call me if she wants to talk or play. p.s. bus budy" that is so very kind. V has a great school. and she is off to a great start!!! i am grateful.

flying the coop.

yesterday was your first day of kindergarden. i am so proud of you. you have grown so much over the summer. at pre-school you were always a little apprehensive when walking into your class. you didn't seem to know what to do even after you had been doing this for the entire year. this year you marched right into class and listened to direction. you are beside yourself with excitement. i hope that school and learning will always be this much fun for you.

i made up some excuse that your bag was too heavy to let you take the bus the first morning. i took you so that i could run a few things by your teacher. and secretly, so that i could see that you are actually fine with it all. you are more than fine! you made friends and rode the bus home just like a pro. we were all waiting for you at the bus stop. your auntie anne was visiting and taking photos. your sisters and papa were there too. even big john was standing there applauding your dismount. you are loved, dear Viv.

p.s.

Vivi, while you had a huge audience for your first bus ride home, your second day was sadly the opposite. you had no one show up at the bus stop. i was getting a haircut which ran long and your papa was taking auntie anne and uncle calhoun to the ferry. we both thought the other would be home at 3pm for your bus. luckily my hair place is right up the road so as i was sitting in the chair talking about my girls with the stylist she asked when your bus came. i said around 3 and wondered what time it was now... and then she said, "look there's a bus now" i got this strange feeling and tried to call home. couldn't get anyone. she saw the look of panic and asked if i wanted to skip the blow dry. so i quickly settled up and left. tried to run home in bad shoes and got to Elsom just as the bus was coming out of the neighborhood. the bus driver luckily saw my frantic wave and stopped to let you off. i'm so grateful to have not sent you back to school especially since i didn't have a car to retrieve you. you came off the bus teary-eyed and i felt awful. later at bedtime you told me you were not crying because you were left on the bus, you were crying because you wanted to go back to school and couldn't. i think you were trying to make me feel better. thank you my V. you are never out of my thoughts or forgotten.

tying bows

V is so proud to be able to tie bows that she and B pulled up lilies and decorated all the spindles on our side porch. (papa was not amused.) we were somewhat impressed once we stepped back to look at the scale of the project. a fairly nice art installation will be on display for a couple of weeks here at la cage des trois oiseaux. *

*i thought since i have three little birds that my home is somewhat of a birdcage which brought me to the movie title La Cage Aux Folles so not wanting it to be just a birdcage i edited somewhat. then i looked up the true translation of La Cage aux Folles and it literally means animal box of the madwomen. maybe a more appropriate house name, ne c'est pas?

open mic

Phoebe, you are quite the stitch. you sing to me all the time and now you are definitely ready for the stage. of course, you do realize your stage will be at home for a very long time.

and the beat goes on!!!

tinker bell

i know that i shouldn't put you girls in front of the t.v. as much as i do but it is such fun to sit with you as you watch tinker bell and hear you explain to me again what is happening in your oh-so-excited way. you tell me who's who and explain what is good and bad. i love that. i'm happy that you can get sooo excited about things and begin to understand what is happening. i'm glad that you identify with the good.

we started netflix finally and our first film is for you. tinker bell. it's a simple story of how tinker bell came to be and what the fairies do. how to work together and help one another. how to identify who you are and be true to that. very imaginative and pretty.

you have become somewhat bored with it. you walk in and out of the room and get easily distracted from it. i guess 8 times in about a week and a half is overkill. time to send it back and get the next one.