Friday, October 30, 2009

on fear

sometimes i get busy and don't do all the things that i would like to do. right now we are tearing down the kitchen walls so that i might me able to see your beautiful smiling faces all of the time. i've been trying to get halloween things done. working my normal hours. heck, just getting you girls off to school on some days or getting you to bed at night takes an act of God. and apparently i have been making excuses too. but one thing that i have not done is take care to protect you girls from the things that go boo.
for this i am so sorry and am now taking my stand. today i got a call from the school nurse. "Vivienne has a slight fever" she says. really? so i pick V up. i go through the usual affirming with her that she can never express anything that God did not make. i remind her that she only needs to recognize Love and think of Love. V, you start to get frustrated and i stop. i am lecturing and that is not helpful. but you are such a precious idea of joy and love that i have a hard time not yelling it out to everyone. i can't believe that you would think differently yourself. "but i am sick," you say. i press you a little and ask what in the world would make you believe such a thing. because, this i know, you are not sick. you finally tell me that you didn't get the shot on Mon. so you are sick. you say this with a sense of inevitability. and this makes me angry. the kids were all getting a flu shot at school. everyone is in a panic because they don't want to be sick, so they get this silly shot that is supposed to keep that from happening. i am angry that someone would put it in your little head that you will now be sick because you have no shot. i am frustrated that i didn't see that coming. that is fear talking. you can no more be sick than they can. and it would be fear saying that it is even possible to be sick in the first place. so some people get a shot and that maybe helps take the fear away. they can be safe. i can tell you this much that the shot will do no good in protecting them if the fear is still there. and V you don't need to be afraid. you can go no where and do nothing without the purifying sense of Love. this is your "safe" and it works. there is not a moment when you do not express Love and therefore not a time when you are outside of His care. Love is at school long before you wake in the morning. and Love rides the bus with you. and Love is holding each and every one of your schoolmates and friends in a big hug so secure that not a single hair on their heads can be touched, just like you. Love is real. it is the shot that is fake. and the outcome will always be the same. you are God's child, Love's child and can express nothing but what you know to be a part of Love. and this spiritual path is potent and safe.